I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
