The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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