dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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