just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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