I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
