Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
