Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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