I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
