we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
