your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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