you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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