unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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