I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
