Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
