there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
