oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
