P.S. I can't hear my feet
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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