just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
