He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
