Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.

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(214): View more from Texas

I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.

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(914): View more from New York

i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.

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(513): View more from Ohio

The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon

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(949): View more from California

She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.

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(650): View more from California

you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'

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(310): View more from California

That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.

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