it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
