I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
