What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
