How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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