Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
