i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just cropdusted the office
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
