i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
