we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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