I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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