She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
