shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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