She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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