Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
