In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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