We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
