i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
