I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
