Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
