It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
