I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
