This is not my ceiling
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
