Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
