I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
