I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
