there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think i got beer on your cat.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
