Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
