you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
