I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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