a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
