uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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